What a Difference a Day Makes

Sometimes, when things seem grey, or we can’t quite see as much as we’d like, we give into fear or stress. When we experience the lack of clarity, and the feelings that come with it, we often embrace it all as truth, and begin to tell ourselves a story filled with greyness, uncertainty, and melancholy.

The good news is we can do something else.

First, we can simply breathe, be, and notice. As we sit, or stand, with open hearts, minds, and eyes, we may notice that beauty, joy, or peace are present in this space that first seemed only grey and uncertain. As we can take another breath, we can acknowledge whatever is there. If we are open to the possibility, we might even express gratitude for what is.

The ocean view on a Monday.

We may not see a blessing in front of us. We may not feel at ease or peaceful. Sitting in the moment, breathing and being open and grateful may appear to be failing us. When that happens we can reassure ourselves, no matter how we feel, it’s helping. It’s science. It’s the way we are built.

Finally, we can remind ourselves that tomorrow is another day, and we’ll get there. We’ve done it before, and we’ll do it again. Tomorrow will come! And when it does, it will be different from today. Let us hold onto the hope that it will be filled with many good things.

Same ocean view, two days later.

Here’s to experiencing the beauty and gift in the grey, and soaking in the awesomeness of a new day filled with light, color, life, and joy.

Mindfulness of Doors

Look at the book I got in the mail. I’m super excited!

The d.school website says the book is “full of unconventional and practical ways to help you bring creative approaches to any challenge you face.” How cool is that? I wish I were on sabbatical, so that I could immerse myself in what seems like amazing fantabulousness. But, sabbatical or not, I’m gonna experience the fantabulousness one way or another.

I read through the table of contents the other day and decided to jump in with assignment number 46 – Micro-Mindfulness Exercises. The micro-mindfulness that struck me was mindfulness of doors. The suggestion is that we take a pause and a breath — however brief — as we walk through doors.

Sounds easy doesn’t it? Turns out, it’s not. I’ve been thinking about it, planning on doing it, for days now. I walk through TONS of doors as an educator. Some days it seems I am constantly walking through doors. Of the million times a day that I go through various doors, I think I have stopped to pause and breathe, twice. I exaggerate the million, but the 2 pauses and breaths is quite accurate.

As I do with my students when we practice mindfulness together, I’m taking the time to ask myself some questions:

  • Why aren’t I pausing?
  • .Are my mind and body in the same space, or am I rushing through the day, thinking of the next moment, the next task, the next thing?
  • Might it be that I’m not rushing, but at the same time that I’m not totally present?
  • What might I learn about myself, my day, my pace, my breath, my mind, as I notice how difficult this is for me to accomplish?
  • How did it feel to take the pause and the breath the two times I did?
  • How might I — if I want to increase my mindfulness, my pause, my breath, my reflection, my peace — help make the pauses and breath possible? How might I remind myself to pause, to breathe, and to be present?

It’s so very interesting, that even failing to accomplish the mindfulness of doors, has brought a bit more mindfulness into my life. It’s beautiful, because it’s about the process and the mindfulness. It’s not so much about the pause and the breath at each door — though they would probably be a gift.

So, I continue to aspire to mindfulness of doors, and as I live and pause and breathe — or not — I will continue to reflect.

Create Space

A while back I was experimenting with ideas from Joanne Fink’s book about zenspiration dangle design.

I’m not quite sure if Joanne suggested dangling a circle or if I came up with the idea. But it enjoyed playing with it. After finishing the exterior side of the circle, I decided to dangle the interior portion as well. Even now I’m intrigued by the different sense of the design on either side of the circle.

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For some reason the outer design maintains its outward flow. When I look at it, it doesn’t change. It is strong, steady, open, and ever reaching. I am attracted to the balance between white space and color, between lines, shapes, and openness, between straight lines and curved.

My relationship to the inner circle work feels much different. I am at one and the same time attracted and somewhat disturbed by it. The structures do not maintain a particular direction, but seem to move depending on where my gaze lands. I notice the same elements of line, color, and open space. But, I feel a sense of conflict as the various elements converge on the center.

As I wondered what to do, I remembered a henna design the awesome Catherine Lent did for me. In the midst of her beautifully intricate design, she had an empty circle. We chuckled about it as she worked around it. After checking with me to be sure I was ok with it, she left it empty. She said something like, “Sometimes it’s good to leave a bit of space.”

Hmmmm. Space. Yes, leave a bit of space, or create a bit of space.

I went back to my drawing and covered the tightness of the center with a small circular piece of white paper.

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I love it! I am intrigued by the space I created in the center. It is at one and the same time empty and yet full of stillness, openness, wonder, and possibility.

This speaks to me for my life as much as it does for my art.

In art, and in life it’s good to have space. Space for possibility. Space for stillness. Space for breath and being.

Space.

Sometimes it’s hard to find.

But, just like with this piece of art, I can step back, make a choice, and create space in my life, my heart, my mind.

Breath, prayer, times of sitting, a walk, are some of the small white circles that I place upon my life to create calm, still, open moments.

Sometimes it’s nice to leave a little space … or to create it.

Cancer? Yes, and …

Each summer I head to Boston for my yearly Dana Farber visit. I’m happy and grateful to have these remarkable people on my healing team. At the same time, as my appointment approaches,  I experience a relatively serious amount of stress and anxiety. Even looking up the website to share as a link sent waves of nausea crashing over me!

The nausea isn’t about them — it’s about the cancer and my relationship to it. I’m relentlessly positive, and do  many really wonderful things to strengthen myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But, my positivity, and all my other good work, is sometimes overshadowed by my angst.

I needed a bit of a jolt to amp up my game. So, I buzzed off to see Catherine — a beautifully creative and awesome human being — for some henna and positive vibes.

She knew I wanted something powerful that could speak to me, and others. She didn’t disappoint.

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How fantabulous is it?!! In case you’re not sure, the correct answer is “Awesomely fantabulous!!!”

Beyond the artistry, it’s fantabulous for the power it holds. It’s a philosophy of open acceptance of what is, and what can be.

Look …

Yes, I have to go to Dana Farber each summer, and frequently have blood drawn, and that is a great privilege and opportunity.

Yes, I am experiencing angst and stress, and I am happy and blessed.

Yes, I have cancer, and I have incredible health.

Yes

and, I am happy.

and, I am loved.

and, my body is working for optimal health, my mind is working for optimal learning, my spirit is working for optimal awesomeness.

and, there are untold possibilities. Possibilities that I know, and ones I have yet to discover or imagine.

As I write my yes, and thoughts, I realize there is a better, more creative way to look at my yes, and lists. I can be creative, re-think, re-cognize.

Often my and, is actually my yes. 

I have cancer. Yes.

It feels huge, overpowering and all encompassing. It is a yes in my life, but absolutely, positively, not the essential yes of my life.

The essential yesses of my life are:

Yes, I am blessed, and … 

Yes, I am happy, and … 

Yes, I am loved, and … 

Yes, I am healthy,  and … 

Yes, my body, mind, and spirit are working for optimal health, learning, and awesomeness, and … 

Yes, the world is full of possibility, and … 

Yes, I am, and am surrounded by, incredible abundance, and … 

I’m digging the space that surrounds the yes, and in Catherine’s design.  It speaks of the space we take as we hear, say and wonder about yes, and.  It is a space waiting to be filled with breath, thoughts, conversation, prayer, openness, insight, creativity, being, and possibility.

Yes, and.

I embrace the power and possibility, and wait with curious and hopeful joy.