Gosh, as a caregiver, heck who am I kidding, just as a human, life can feel crushing, overwhelming, even devoid of all I need or want. I begrudge my parents nothing, caregiving is my choice, my way to respect and honor them, and continue to enjoy life with them. Thankfully, I have my brother by my side, which is immensely powerful.

Nonetheless, it sometimes feels like a lot. The other day was one of those days. It had been a difficult night caring for my parents, and a difficult night for sleeping. I couldn’t turn off my brain, or perhaps I didn’t want to, or strangely enough didn’t have the energy to turn it off.

Morning came, and thankfully I wasn’t feeling as exhausted as I thought I should be. But I did, almost immediately, feel back in the grind. Going to the kitchen I noticed garbage bags that should go out. “Let me do that to ease the burden of my brother.” I thought. Amazing as he is, he gets tired, too.

Stepping outside, the breeze was so nice. Tossing the trash in the bins, I happened to look up, hands on hips, thinking I’d just take a breath outside and then get back at it. I’m so grateful for that head raise, breath, and pause. It turned into a few more breathes, moments, and looks — and they fed me.

I took a moment
A moment to breathe and look
To raise up my eyes

Colors bursting forth
I paused again, looked around
New blooms everywhere

Fuschia peonies
Fragrant roses bursting out
Lush the garden bed

For just a moment
There was joy, solace, peace, and …
Possibility.