Gosh, as a caregiver, heck who am I kidding, just as a human, life can feel crushing, overwhelming, even devoid of all I need or want. I begrudge my parents nothing, caregiving is my choice, my way to respect and honor them, and continue to enjoy life with them. Thankfully, I have my brother by my side, which is immensely powerful.
Nonetheless, it sometimes feels like a lot. The other day was one of those days. It had been a difficult night caring for my parents, and a difficult night for sleeping. I couldn’t turn off my brain, or perhaps I didn’t want to, or strangely enough didn’t have the energy to turn it off.
Morning came, and thankfully I wasn’t feeling as exhausted as I thought I should be. But I did, almost immediately, feel back in the grind. Going to the kitchen I noticed garbage bags that should go out. “Let me do that to ease the burden of my brother.” I thought. Amazing as he is, he gets tired, too.
Stepping outside, the breeze was so nice. Tossing the trash in the bins, I happened to look up, hands on hips, thinking I’d just take a breath outside and then get back at it. I’m so grateful for that head raise, breath, and pause. It turned into a few more breathes, moments, and looks — and they fed me.
I took a moment
A moment to breathe and look
To raise up my eyesColors bursting forth
I paused again, looked around
New blooms everywhere
Fuschia peonies
Fragrant roses bursting out
Lush the garden bed
For just a moment
There was joy, solace, peace, and …
Possibility.
Molly, what a beautiful way to describe finding yourself again in the middle of a hard night: a pause, a breath, the garden doing its quiet work. It reminded me of something I keep learning in my own work on privacy-first safety sensing: the best support for caregivers and older adults is the kind that protects the routines and small freedoms that already bring steadiness, rather than replacing them with something noisier. Your pause under the blossoms is exactly the kind of ordinary moment worth designing around. Thank you for sharing it.
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Alex, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. Funny enough, I’m reading your comment on my patio, with a fire, the last bit of our vegetable garden, and a small willow tree pushed over by the storm winds … but still green and beautiful. Those things, the crack of the fire, and the hum of some insects are lovely and provide peace and solace as I breathe.
I hope all is well in your world and you are finding peace in the ordinary moments.
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