The day before winter break I was surrounded by students as we talked about our upcoming performance and I opened various cards and gifts. One of my Kindergartners looked at me and asked “Miss James, why does everyone say you’re the best?” All eyes turned to me as they awaited my response. Genuinely curious I responded “Hmmm … why do you think people say that?”
There was some chatter amongst themselves and then they turned to me and said “Because you love us.”
I responded “Yeah, I do love you. Do you think that makes me the best?”
They responded “Yes.”
It’s an answer that gets to the heart of the matter. I do many things. I am always thinking, changing, making, trying new things, talking, explaining, laughing, teaching, learning, guiding, and being with them. But at the center of it all is love. I love them.
What the educator does in teaching is to make it possible for the students to become themselves.
Paolo Fiere (https://civiceducator.org/paulo-freire-quotes/)
I trust my love makes it possible for my students to become themselves — their best truest selves. Yes, of course my diligence, my fantabulousness, my work, my thought, makes it possible, but mostly it’s my love. All that other stuff grows in strength, brilliance, and awesomeness because of love.
Funny, I thought this would be a quick post about the power of love in the classroom. But, as I wrote I was reminded of a conversation I had years ago with someone in the educational field who discounted the idea of love. They declared it was only a word and would fail at some point. I was aghast. Love only a word??? Love would fail! Never. Might I fail, yes. Might I be less than loving? Of course. But when I say I love you, I mean it in all the power it can hold. Love isn’t a sentiment. It’s a way of being. It’s a choice.
Anyway, that recollection urged me to look for a way to put into words what I mean when I say I love my students.
Andrea Bonier PhD wrote about healthy relationships in Psychology Today. When I read her article, I thought about my students, my love for them, and theirs for me. Here are her 11 elements of a healthy relationship (and one of mine). Perhaps they don’t contain the fullness of what my love for my students is, but, they are a concrete way to see the love I have for my students.
- Trust – I operate from a place of trust. I trust in their word and their abilities. I live in a way that enables them to trust me. I encourage them to trust themselves and each other.
- Communication with openness and honesty – We communicate a lot — sharing our feelings, our ideas, our wondering, our apologies, our needs and wants. I do my best to model the best form of communication — honest, respectful, and powerful.
- Patience – Phew. Every relationship requires patience. Relationships in a classroom often seem to require more. I do my best, but when I fail, I apologize and try to do better. My students do the same.
- Empathy, healthy conflict resolution, and individual boundaries – I’m always trying to increase our Emotional Intelligence. Are we self aware? Are we socially aware? What are we feeling? What might they be feeling? Have we talked with each other? Have we really listened to what is being said? What did I hear? How might I behave because of what I’ve heard and know.
- Affection and Interest – Love is action, but there is also feeling, emotion, and affection — even in the classroom. Learning to navigate that is a huge part of loving well. And interest — oh my yes, we all want to share about ourselves. We want others to be curious, interested, even amazed. I always operate from the position that nothing they do or are can be relegated to the “Oh that’s so cute.” category. There’s always more — it’s hard work, it’s imaginative, it’s creative, it’s fantabulous, it’s worthy of my time and attention.
- Flexibility – Whenever it’s possible I am flexible and give choice and wiggle room. For me it goes back to trust, empathy, and affection.
- Appreciation and if I might add valuing – I appreciate and value my students and let them know. I appreciate and value their hard work, their humor, their thoughts, their courage, their love, their willingness to try, and much more.
- Room for Growth – Gosh yes, this is a huge part of love. We always have to give others the room to grow and change. We are not who we were yesterday, or for that matter even a moment ago. Allow for growth and when appropriate, communicate about it.
- Reciprocity – There are many opportunities for reciprocity in our learning space. Learning from one another, doing for and with one another, supporting one another. These are not just roles that I fill. I encourage my students to teach me, to show me, and I let them know that I’ve been inspired or learned from them. I accept their help with grace and gratitude, even when I know I can do things faster and or better than they can. I check in with them often, and I relish the moments they check in on me.
Life lived with relentless creativity 