Was I Kind Enough?

Wow, I just read this excerpt on the Pedagogy of Play blog. It’s a post by Ben Mardell entitled Vivian Paley: In Memoriam.

Vivian asked me if I remember the questioner and then queried, “Was I kind enough?” I explained that I thought she was extremely kind, but Vivian was not convinced. She mused, “I think she wasn’t comfortable. I hope I was kind.”

There are many lessons we should take from Vivian Paley and her work. Asking “Am I being kind enough” is certainly one of these.

Pedagogy of Play Blog – August 26, 2019

When I read that, I was immediately transported to my Kindergarten classroom. I saw many students — past and present — behaving, and interacting with me and others, in all sorts of different ways. As I look at each, I wondered “Was I kind enough?” Like Vivian I respond “I try to be kind. I hope I was kind enough.”

Vivian’s other comment bears a bit of thought as well. “I think she wasn’t comfortable.”

Again I think of my students. There are so many times that they aren’t comfortable.
They miss their loved ones.
They aren’t sure they can do it.
They are having strong emotions.
They make a mistake.
They hurt a friend.
The reasons are nearly endless.

Do I bear them in mind? Do I notice their lack of comfort? Do I consider whatever behavior or emotional moment they are having might be because they are not comfortable? If so, do I respond with kindness, or do I respond in a less than kind way?

This past week I had a few girls who were being quite unkind to one another. I raised my voice at them and told them to “Sit down!” After they apologized to each other. I asked them how I sounded when I told them to stop and sit down. They said angry. I agreed. “I was angry. What you were doing was very unkind, and you could have hurt each other.” They looked at me without saying a word. I continued. “It was right for me to feel angry, and to tell you to stop, but it wasn’t ok for me to sound, or be, mean. I could have felt angry, but then I could have taken a breath and told you to stop and sit down in a much kinder tone” I paused. “So I need to apologize you.”

I used our apology protocol. I went to each girl, looked her in the eyes, apologized, asked if she were ok, and if she needed anything. One of the girls said “It’s ok.” I responded, “No, it’s not. You don’t need to tell me it’s ok when it’s not ok, just accept my apology.” She did. When I asked her if she needed anything, she said “Please don’t ever do that again.” I told her “I will do my best. Would you please do your best to be kind to your friends?” She shook her head yes.

Notice each other. Take a breath. Be kind. And when you aren’t as kind as you might be, apologize and try again. Such a great way to live and teach.

Way back when. Back when we were some of the wee ones in school.

10 thoughts on “Was I Kind Enough?

  1. LOVE THIS, MOLLY! Vivian Paley is one of my great educational hero giants. I’ve read all her books cover to cover and over and over again – mainly because she got to the heart and soul of teaching. I can’t imagine her not being kind or thoughtful enough – but alas we are all human. It is so good to stop and reflect on this post – Are we kind enough? If not, apologize and try again!

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  2. Easter makes sense, I was wondering if you dressed so nicely for school. The hat and purse ..important parts for an Easter outift. And are those new books tucked under your arms? Or perhaps your Bibles?
    I love these words, “Am I being kind enough?” And when we aren’t, there’s an apology protocol.

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  3. The older I get the more I understand the importance of growing kindness in education. Apologising properly isn’t always easy. You set a good example.

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